New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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