so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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