we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
