Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
