Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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