Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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