so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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