guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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