I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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