Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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