Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
it's like heaven, but drunker
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
