is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
