it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
We had sex on a dog bed..
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
