Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Randomize
