Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
