i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
