can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
