I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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