I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
