And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
