I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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