idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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