I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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