I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
