If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
