I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
