Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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