There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
