i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
My bed smells like the plague
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
