i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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