i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
