I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
