:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
