I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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