there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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