tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
