Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
