The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Randomize
