I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
