So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
