You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
