I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
you would pick up someone in the library
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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