she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
he shaved USA in his pubs
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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