So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
