just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
