Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
