I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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