I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
