His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
