i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
