So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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